I Have Not Forgotten
by Hyuga Akimoto
Summary: “What am I doing here?” With a whisper she spoke aloud to the desolate wind. “He rejected it, didn’t he?”
1. Chapter 1

"Which one am I? The first? The second? The third?"

The body of a young woman drifted onto the shore, her body near lifeless, save for the gentle rise and fall of her chest. She looked up to the vast sky with red eyes, her questioning orbs adjusting to the twilight.

The ocean gently licked at her pallid skin, her hair drifting with the flow of the tide. A moment may have passed. An eternity may have passed. Time ceased to be relevant. All that mattered was the question.

"What am I doing here?"

With a whisper she spoke aloud to the desolate wind.

"He rejected it, didn't he?"

The cool liquid washed into her mouth, saturating her lungs. There was no urge to cough or gag.

"It tastes like blood."

With an unsteady hand she turned onto her side, then onto hands and knees.

"It's red…"

The sand was tinted red, the water stained with the crimson liquid.

"Her blood. My blood."

She rose from her prostrate position and began walking down the shore.

Tears fell upon azure eyes, their gaze empathetic and empty. A bandaged arm reached up to stroke his cheek, but her face remained passive, empty.

His grip lessened, then let go altogether. Shinji fell to his side, next to Asuka, and stared at her, his eyes flowing with tears.

His face was a flurry of emotions, sadness, anger, happiness, relief. Asuka turned her head to face him. Her mouth moved.

"Idiot."

Shinji Ikari looked out of the window of the train, watching the world pass by him in fleeting flurries. He sighed as he watched the world pass before him. He looked to his left, gazing at who was across from him. There was a mother and her child, both asleep and hands entwined. From their window he could see the ruined hole that Tokyo III once sat upon, and looked upon the steel web being constructed over it so that a city would hang over the geofront once more.

The sun cast an orange hue upon the world, its setting basking everything in its warm glow. Slowly the darkness began to flow into the world, the lights within the train activating wordlessly. The mother and child had awoken and left without his realization. Hours passed. Soon, this would be the last train.

Numerous thoughts filtered through his mind without any real direction, striking his head with a whim.

Three whole years had passed since then, some things had changed, and others had not. Humanity was still here, still clinging, still striving, and still flourishing.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat; eyes still caught staring into the darkness of nowhere.

When he had rejected Instrumentality, so had the rest of humanity, yet not all wished to hold onto their individuality. Quite a few, those impoverished, those struggling to exist, those who did not have the strength to continue took another form. They were coerced into other life forms, some taking the form of plants and trees, seeding themselves where they found the most solace, while others took the form of vast creatures.

Shinji Ikari turned his head away from the window behind him, regarding those around him. There were few aboard this train, most just drunk salary men, barely able to stay conscious. His attention turned back to the outside.

The train took its way nearby the sea side, for the combined attack upon Tokyo III, and Instrumentality had drastically altered the landscape: Tokyo III was now directly next to the ocean on the eastern side. Out in the dark Shinji could see brilliant lights of such a creature floating along with the wind; it looked like a cross between so many different animals, and also of so many abstract ideas given shape.

"Like dreams given form…" Shinji muttered as he watched the form cross the night sky, lightly illuminating the water in a brilliant display of every color he could think of, and some he could not.

Perhaps creature was not the accurate term, more along the lines of numerous smaller creatures, each building the form of a larger creature, creating a colony of sorts that were both one and not. There were hundreds upon thousands of such creatures, all benign in their nature, doing their best to avoid humanity. They drifted upon the winds, atop the waves, beneath the earth and beneath the sea, benign. Where they went, life sprouted in their wake.

They were collectively known as Apotheosis. These creatures had no hate, no desire to do battle with humans, or anything for that matter. They simply existed, floating above hate, war, pestilence, love, peace. Humanity did nothing to it, and it did nothing to humanity. Pure and absolute apathy.

Science and the Dead Sea Scrolls had figured out where they had come from, but had no idea how they worked, or even existed.

So much had changed.

After all that had happened, the world demanded an explanation, and it was granted. It was a doctored truth; there was nothing in it about Seele, or instrumentality. Rather, the "secret war" against the Angels was made known. It contained the details of what happened to the rest of humanity, those not strong enough to stand, their fate as the Apotheosis. It was made known that in their moment of triumph; the hero of humanity, Shinji Ikari, had stricken them down.

It sickened him, that word. Hero.

There was no mention of Asuka, who had fought harder, lost just as much, if not more than Shinji. There was no mention of Rei, for whom this was all she was.

All that was left was him, paraded around as a savior.

They had only been left upon that beach for only a few hours, maybe a day at most. Shinji and Asuka were quickly retrieved, both put into quarantine, debriefed, observed, monitored, and analyzed. The leaders of men were not without their "humanity".

These were the saviors of humanity!

They were given the best physical and psychological treatment from the best doctors around the world. Shinji and Asuka ended all the better, fit members of society, capable of coping with all that the world could throw at them.

That was a year ago, and Shinji hoped to God that they were right. He no longer felt as if he had to struggle to keep his head above the tide, no longer depressed. But neither was he happy.

As Shinji began to doze away, lulled by the ticking of tracks, the beams of another train blinded him, snapping him awake as the train passed by.

Countless windows alight with white light passed by him, most with few people within, some with one or two passengers within each car. The last car began to streak by when something caught Shinji's eyes.

Red. Blue.

It was but for a fleeting moment, but for that moment, he saw. A girl he had thought he lost forever. Her hair was azure, eyes a blood red. She stood in a heavy raincoat, holding onto a handle despite the availability of seats. She had gotten a little taller from what Shinji could tell, but this was someone he knew.

This was Rei Ayanami.

Shinji leaped out of his seat, unconsciously slamming his hands against the window. He awoke several of the drunkards, eyes snapping open with a mumble of complaint.

A husky man's voice snapped to life upon the intercom, "This is The Shiku stop."

The train reacted by stopping before a brightly lit station platform, doors sliding open.

"Please do not forget your belongings and have a nice day." The voice continued, snapping off as quickly as it had come on.

Shinji wearily stood up and got off the train. He looked around; no one else had gotten off with him. All he could hear was the light trickle of a drizzle striking the earth; a breeze from the seaside rushing through the open platform.

He left the platform, letting his feet take him along the well tread path, questions burning their way through his mind.

Was that Ayanami? What was she doing there? She's alive? Was this why they never found her? Was the government lying? What do I tell Misato, Asuka?

Just as the final question probed his mind, he found himself standing before a house. His house. A humble, two story home, complete with garage, driveway and front yard. The light drizzle had begun to turn into a downpour, and Shinji quickly raced his way to the door, using his case as a crude shield.

He tested to door to find it unlocked. After he had told the two of them to always lock the door. Well, in a nice neighborhood such as this, that might not be necessary, but still…

Slipping of his shoes, Shinji entered, announcing himself "I'm home."

"Welcome home Shinji!" Misato called from the couch, eyes glued to the television set depicting some kind of survival show, hand holding a cold soda.

A sight Shinji still had problems adjusting to.

"You idiot! What took you so long!?" Shinji could hear from the kitchen, followed by the clang of pots and pans. "You decide to leave Misato and me high and dry with the cooking! Just because on a whim you decided to 'join a club' "

"Sorry, Asuka…" Shinji absentmindedly replied as he slid off his shoes.

His mind was still caught upon what he had seen upon the train. Was it an illusion?

"Well, get in here you idiot, dinner's ready!" Asuka continued her tirade, "You're lucky I was so gracious as to postpone dinner until you came back!"

"You mean you've been done?" Misato lazily complained as she got off the couch, stretching towards the sky with a yawn.

"Just get in here and eat!" Asuka demanded.

Shinji and Misato obliged, making their way towards the kitchen. The aroma of delicious "western food" wafted into their noses. More specifically, those of the German variety.

The circular table had three plates set, with forks, knives and spoons in place of chopsticks. Various meats, breads and other delights were strewn all over it. Already sitting was Asuka, her hair in pigtails and clothed in a simple red dress. Upon her face was a mixture of emotions; signs of anger, pride and anxiety.

"I didn't spend my time slaving all day over that hot stove to cook this crap so you could stare at it!" Asuka yelled at the pair as she began to pile food onto her plate.

"Oh Asuka, I should have you cook more often, for a bit of variety here and there." Misato teased as she sat down and began to help herself.

"Do that and I'll make sure the next meal you eat is your last…" Asuka threatened. "But you're lucky I was here to cover for you, Mr. Ikari. The alternative is…"

She glared at Misato for a moment.

"… that."

Shinji was reminded of the last time she had attempted to prepare anything. What resulted was something that Shinji had done his best to block out.

"Please, don't remind me…" Shinji muttered as he sat down and began to eat as well.

Yet, he found his appetite lacking. While Asuka and Misato chattered away, Shinji remained silent, eating little and just thinking.

Was it an illusion? A vision? A dream? Or was it real? Had he really seen her?

"Hey, Shinji. Shinji!" Misato called to the boy, snapping him back to the present. "What's up? Something the matter?"

"N-nothing at all!" Shinji immediately tried to cover, but lies were plainly evident on his face.

"Oh, did something happen at your 'club'?" Asuka insinuated. "Maybe a girl, hmm?"

"Not like that!" He hastily defended himself "I was just thinking."

"About what?" Misato asked through her food.

"Rei."

He was met with immediate silence. Only the trickle of the rain and the murmur of the TV echoed through the kitchen.

"They never found her, right?"

"That's what they said." Misato replied somberly. "Why, did something happen?"

"Nothing happened."

"Are you sure? Anything you want to talk about?"

"No, I don't want to talk about anything at all."

"Now we know your lying." Asuka insinuated once more. "You're holding out on us!"

"I said nothing happened!" Shinji yelled as he stood up.

Asuka and Misato stared at Shinji, unsure of what to do.

"I-I'm not hungry. Please excuse me." Shinji muttered as he left the kitchen, going through the living room and fleeing up stairs.

From a corner of the kitchen a mini-fridge opened, revealing a penguin. He peeked his head out at the commotion.

"Go back inside PenPen, nothing to worry about." Misato sheepishly grinned at the penguin, who obliged by retreating into his cool sancturary.

"What's up with him?" Asuka irritably asked as she stood up and began collecting their plates.

"Rei's still a touchy subject with him, Asuka." Misato replied, "There are just some things he hasn't gotten resolved."

"I'd like to know what happened to wonder girl myself…" Asuka muttered as she piled the plates into the dishwasher. "I mean she wasn't exactly my favorite person, but…"

She stalled for a moment in hesitation.

"She was one of us." Misato continued for her.

"What should we do?"

"Just leave Shinji alone for a little while." Misato got up and began helping Asuka with the leftovers. "I think he just wants some time to think a little. But, if he starts clamming up again…"

"I know, bug the shit out of him." Asuka paused for a moment as she looked at a picture on the refrigerator. "He's part of our family after all. We can't leave him to suffer alone."

The picture was of Misato, Asuka, Shinji and Rei, all taken at Misato's behest, since she didn't have a photo of "The Legendary Pilots" Misato was in back, leaning against a guide rail, while the other three pilots stood in front of her. It was taken from a cliff side, back in Tokyo Three. Asuka was beaming, throwing up the peace sign, Misato appeared with a drunken grin on her face, Shinji could barely muster a smile, and Rei was emotionless.

"I can't believe it took me that goddamn long to figure that out."


	2. Chapter 2

Shinji's eyes were met by the harsh glare of the sun, penetrating the blinds and perpetuating itself through the room. He slowly eased his eyelids open, reluctant to awaken.

"The weekend." Shinji thought to himself as his conscious slowly began to reawaken.

He attempted to return to sleep but to no avail. His mind would not let him have a moment's peace, nor would the sun cease bothering him.

In reluctant defeat he allowed his eyes to ease open, staring into the white ceiling, yellow sun bleeding its way across. With a yawn he sat up, getting out of bed and ambling his way out of his room and to the bathroom. Brushing his teeth and washing his face, the day's schedule began to bug him.

"Misato has to work…" He thought as the water washed across his face, sparking the neurons to life. "Asuka went with Hikari to go shopping, which just leaves me, myself and I…"

Taking a towel, Shinji began to slowly pat his face dry, letting his thoughts wander. "I should just forget yesterday… Go out someplace…"

Making his way back to his room, Shinji began to consider his options.

Stay at home.

Go to a friend's house.

Go out somewhere and wander around.

Shinji immediately rejected A. Home, while familiar and safe, was rather boring, considering the only real forms of entertainment had been warn thin.

Plan B seemed to be a reasonable idea, and so he went to work, dressing in a pair of jeans and a simple white polo shirt, then he retrieved his phone.

"Hello? Kensuke?" Was the first thing Shinji said as the ring faded, only to be answered with "The number you are attempting to call is currently busy. Please try again later."

Next on the list was Toji, only to be met by a disgruntled voice, stating that "I'm a little busy right now Shin-man, call me later."

The other numbers listed in his cell were people he was acquainted with, but he didn't feel he know them enough to ask to hang out.

Thus, only plan C was left. But where to go?

Shinji decided going on an adventure of sorts. Simply wander around the city; maybe watch a movie all on his lonesome. Thus, the first stop was the train station. He looked at the time in his phone.

11:00 AM.

Breakfast had been missed, but lunch could still be salvaged.

Shinji quickly ended up outside, letting the crisp air pierce his skin. The rain had stopped from last night, and the clouds had cleared, letting the sun shine in all its brilliance. Puddles still lay all across the ground, dotting themselves all along the street.

The youth deeply inhaled the air, cleansed by the torrent. It smelled simple, clean, pure. His exhale took all his unease away, sending them as a whisper to some far off place, so that he might be given some peace and quiet.

He took his time strolling along, taking in the simple tranquility of the morning air. It had been a long time since he had done anything like this. It felt calming, relaxing. There was no one else along the way, no passerby, no cars, not even the occasional cat.

Soon enough he left the quiet suburb and entered the slightly more congested parts of the city on his way to the station, but even then it was relatively calm. There didn't seem to be the stress to get somewhere that normally accompanied every day.

Today was frighteningly mellow.

Shinji walked into the train as if in a trance, hardly even remembering when he had purchased the ticket, or even which train he had boarded. He simply got on.

The train was filled enough that all the seats were taken, and so he was forced to stand. Soon enough it pulled out and began snaking its way towards the next stop. Shinji's mind however was occupied.

Every thought turned towards that girl.

He looked out the window to see the sea once more. He recognized this path; it had been the train opposite the night before. The Apotheosis from the last night had already fled, and instead the sun illuminated the blue sea with a light yellow haze. The sight was quickly cut off by the arrival at the train station.

Shinji turned around to see who was getting off, just in time to see another train pull in opposite. There he saw her again.

Rei.

She was standing just like yesterday, but this time there was a small book in her free hand, her eyes intently reading. She was dressed in the same white raincoat as before, but it was un-buttoned, revealing a plain blue skirt and white blouse. In her taken hand was a bag of groceries. Without looking up, she began to exit with the other passengers.

"Ayanami!" Shinji cried out by pure reaction, hoping that she would hear him, but sheer reason told him otherwise.

He turned around and dashed out of the train, pushing people about. He hastily gathered his surroundings. He had to find the way to the other platform. A sign illuminated his way, a stairway leading towards the main station, and then to the main street.

He raced down heart pumping as his eyes frantically searched for her. As soon as he touched the ground level he caught sight of a blue haired girl making her way out of the station, out onto the streets.

A considerable crowd stood in his way. He didn't have time for that.

He sprinted across the floor, shoving man and woman aside without hesitation, screaming "Excuse me! Sorry! Please, out of the way!"

Soon enough he hit the glass doors that led out of the station and what struck him was a major road, cars zooming to and fro, throngs of people lining this side of the street and the opposite. He craned his neck all about, searching for that girl.

He spotted her on his right, waiting at a stoplight, still reading that same book, not bothering to look up or around. She looked just as Shinji had seen her last; skin still as pallid as the moon, features still gentle enough lull a child to sleep. Eyes still a deep crimson that stared into a person's soul.

Shinji began sprinting his way there, determined to get to that stoplight before it changed. Then they would meet.

But, what would he do?

He quickly pushed that out of mind as the light changed, he still a whiles away. Rei made her way across the street, eyes not averting from that tome, blending into the crowd.

Shinji continued to sprint, making it to the crosswalk as the lights began to flash, warning none to continue along, but he forewent any thoughts of safety or self preservation. He just ran, possessed by a single desire.

To see her again.

Numerous cars crashed into one another as they attempted to avoid him, earning him numerous curses at that intersection, but he paid no heed. He wasn't even slightly aware of his surroundings, all that was there was the white dot focus. He would not lose her.

Soon enough he reached the other side of the street. He looked to his left; he could spot no sign of Rei, and then straight ahead; he could find no sign of her either. He just went with his gut: go straight ahead.

So he began once more as an engine, pushing people aside as he looked for her. He caught up to her soon enough, she had made her way across the block and to the other side of the street, where she continued on her straight path. He followed suit, sprinting across the four way intersection with little regard to bodily health. The light had turned green.

His heart was racing, breath short and ragged, lungs and heart screaming, legs aching with pain, but he would not stop. It would take a truck to stop him.

Just as he neared the other sidewalk, a turning truck crashed into him, sending him flying aside. Shinji felt the wind knocked out of him as he tumbled sideways, hardly aware of what was happening to him. All he knew was that he had stopped moving forwards, and was instead falling sideways.

He ended up on his back, breathing heavily as he wondered why he was looking towards the heavens. Far up he could see a pod of Apotheosis floating with the wind. One of them looked familiar.

"That's the one from yesterday, isn't it?" He asked aloud as the truck driver came rushing out.

"Kid! Kid! You okay?!" He asked, looking at Shinji. "You awake kid?"

"I-I'm fine." Shinji muttered as he began to get up. He felt pain coursing through his entire frame, but he would not be deterred.

"Hey! Where the hell are you going?!" The truck driver asked in disbelief as Shinji began limping away.

"I need to find someone!" Shinji quizzically answered back, breaking into a run, following Rei's path.

A sharp pain coursed through his body with every step, originating from so many different points to find its origin was pointless. He could feel something warm running down his forehead. He dabbed at it with his left hand, and found blood on his fingers, arm covered in tiny cuts and bruises.

Shinji disregarded this and moved on. Soon enough he left the bustle that had impeded his progress, entering what appeared to be a residential district. He glanced around; he had lost her and all that he had gone through had been in vain.

Just as his hope left him, Shinji caught sight of Rei entering an apartment. Without thought his body reacted, moving towards her. The pain was beginning to deaden. He wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing, but it at the least helped in his current plight.

Soon enough he reached the apartment and entered. He didn't see her on ground level, and began to search for a means up. Haste led him to a flight of stairs; he didn't have time to find an elevator. Upon his first step, Shinji immediately regretted not looking for an elevator, for his body exploded in pain as his other leg reached up.

"I can't run away…." Shinji muttered to himself, trying to ignore the pain and continue his way up.

The stairwell provided an open air view of the apartment, and has he climbed story after story, he realized something familiar about this apartment. It had the same layout as the one Rei lived in years ago.

His mind began to piece together where he was. Soon enough he realized: This was the same apartment Rei lived in. It wasn't located within the heart of Tokyo 3, but a little outside of the Geofront's shield, which meant if he looked west…

There it was; the metal scaffolding of the geofront. He could see small figures crawling all along the web, construction continuing smoothly.

There was no doubt about it. This was the exact same apartment Rei lived in years ago. The only difference was that it had been completely renovated; he wouldn't have been surprised if the original building had been destroyed, and this had been rebuilt using the same floor plan.

He had lost sight of her, but he had an idea of where Rei was now. She was in her old room. Shinji eventually made his way to the level on which Rei lived, and made his way down the row of rooms, looking for her old room number.

He found it; the same three room numbers etched onto it with brass; 731.

Shinji found that he couldn't feel any pain at all; fear had blocked that all out. His hand trembled as it approached the door, unsure of whether to knock or not.

The answer was made for him. The door opened on its own, and before him stood a little girl, her hair brown and eyes green. She stood staring at him in absolute fear. Shinji guessed it was a combination of his appearance and status as a stranger, and immediately went through the standard routine.

"H-hi, I'm sorry for bothering you, but have you seen Rei Ayanami?" He began, and continued, describing her as best as he could. "She's a girl with blue hair and red eyes, around my age, she was wearing a white raincoat."

"Girl with blue hair? She lives three doors that way." The girl pointed to her right, down the hall of doors, her eyes still wide like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.

"Thanks!" Shinji waved as he left, heading for the supposed right door.

Now at the supposedly correct door, Shinji knocked once more. He was met with a long pause, and for a moment, he was unsure if he had gotten the right door. He considered leaving for a moment, until the door eased open.

Standing before Shinji was the girl he knew to be Rei. She had gotten taller, her hair a little longer, but otherwise she was exactly the same. An uncomfortable silence stood between them.

"R-Rei!" Shinji somehow managed to blurt out.

"Who are you? How do you know my name?" Rei asked emotionlessly, her voice cold and aloof.

"It's me, Shinji Ikari! Remember?" He asked shocked, this was something he was not expecting.

"I do not know you."


	3. Chapter 3

A gust of wind blew through the open air station, sending stray pieces of debris across the tracks. The sun was falling over the horizon, casting an orange glow along the cold concrete. The clouds were laden with rain, their dark visages blotting out what little sun was left.

The rain began to fall. At first it started as a drizzle, but as time passed it steadily progressed into a light rain. The sun had finally made its farewell with the twilight, and the automatic lights activated.

Standing there silently was a girl, cold and alone, staring at the long shadow that fell before her, a distorted mirror. Her eyes were lost in its darkness, searching for something that was not there. Her eyes finally laid upon something, something in that pitch black, but as she reached out for it, yellow beams of light cut their way through the form.

The train came, pushing the air out of its way as it arrived at the station. She watched the countless windows pass by, some full of people, others deprived of presence, and others sparsely populated.

It grinded to a halt before her. A door slightly aligned itself with her, opening with the release of compressed air. The car before her was empty, and so she became its only occupant.

Despite the obvious availability of seats, she could not sit down. It felt as if something were not right, as if something were missing if she sat. So she took a hand rail and remained standing, staring out of the window.

She stared at her eyes, a piercing red. She disliked the color, but aesthetics could matter less to her. She did like her hair though, a brilliant shade of blue, natural as odd as it may seem. Doctors had said she was an albino, and she accepted that.

The train began to slowly lurch forward, pulling out of the station.

The train.

It always brought thoughts to the surface.

Her mind slowly faded to the past. When they had found her they said she was wandering nude along the crimson beach. She did not remember who she was or where she came from, only her name. Her time spent at the youth center was bothersome at best. No one reached out to her, and she did not reach out to them. It was not that she would not, but could not, as if something prevented her from opening up. Someone would say something and she would attempt to comment, but found no voice.

Three years spent in isolation, surrounded by as sea of people but completely alone. One day she just accepted that fact.

She was alone.

She watched as the urban cityscape raced past her, countless fireflies in the darkness.

The day she was cast out of the youth center for no longer being a minor was met with little fan fair; whereas others were out celebrating their coming of age, she was in her room, storing what few belongings she had for the road.

"Rei Ayanami…" The man had said at the desk. "You don't appear to be in the system. Are you sure that's your name?"

Rei said nothing.

"Well, if we don't know who you are, we can't send you to your family. I guess you'll have to stay in the youth center until then."

That never happened. No one came.

Another train passed by, its light cutting through her reflection and blinding her. She caught for a moment a man looking at her. He appeared familiar, as if she were glancing at a ghost from some time ago. As if something from her dreams…

Dreams.

Every night she would have them, yet they still felt foreign. She would see strange things. She would see horrible things. Yet, they were all fleeting glimpses, and when she awoke, try as she might, she could not remember.

Yet this was different. It was as if a dream had just past.

The train slowly began to grind to a halt, loudspeakers booming at the train's arrival.

Everyday she would ask questions, yet nothing came of them. Perhaps it was because she never asked anyone else, only herself.

She silently left the train with those who were also disgorged. The station was empty save for those who had gotten off, and they too were disappearing. She followed her well tread path, moving without thinking as to where or what she was doing; mind lost in other things.

The streets were dark, yet there were still cars passing through, stores still open, people still walking.

She joined them, but was not part of them. Her footsteps moved silently, her presence a whisper amongst them.

Soon enough she was at her apartment. It was familiar, a place that she oddly enough; felt safe. Somewhere, deep within her mind was the hope that someone would find her there, if she just stayed long enough.

Her legs led her past the elevator and into the stairwell, moving by reflex without thought or reason. She quickly reached her floor and stepped out to find a little girl sitting on the balcony's edge, staring into the heart of Tokyo.

"Rei!" The girl waved as she spotted the woman. "Why were you late? You weren't here to read to me!"

"I'm sorry Maki." Rei apologized as she passed the girl, giving her explanation on the way. "I was caught up at the library."

"Oh? Were there a lot of people there?"

"No, I was reading." Rei replied as she entered her apartment.

It was simple, bland at best. There was only a bed, a drawer for clothes, a trash can, a kitchen and a bathroom. The exceptional part of her home was the accumulation of books; indeed books were stacked all along the walls in messy, albeit organized piles.

Somehow she had gotten work as a librarian. It was work she enjoyed. Hardly anyone went to the library anymore. She was for the most part alone at the library. There was only one other librarian there. He too was inflicted with albinism. His name was Kaworu Nagisa. He would talk often to her, over the most trivial of things, but she would say nothing back. She kind of enjoyed it, just listening.

Perhaps that is why she agreed to look after Maki; she enjoyed just listening to the little girl talk about her daily life, the meaningless things that mean so much to a child.

The moonlight filtered in through a window, its blinds half closed. For some odd reason she felt tired. It felt as if the life had been sucked out of the marrow, and all that was left was some hollow girl made of straw.

She wanted to sleep. So she closed her eyes as that head hit the mattress and fell into a slumber…

Rending, tearing, destroying its way through everything, smashing through earth and sky. It cut its way through bone, flesh and steel, a boundless rage caught within it.

It? No. She.

She rended him apart with tooth and nail, severing limb from body, turning head into little more than a red smear. Cutting through organs, she found her prey: its heart, a soul within still gently beating.

Within her mind she could hear someone pleading, screaming, demanding that she stop.

Over and over again. "Please! Stop!"

Yet, this voice was not her own. It was another's. She felt affection for this other voice, its soul doubtlessly pure. Yet, for this voice to continue to exist, it must begin with this soul's destruction.

She began to assert pressure upon the heart, crushing it slowly, painfully. Its rhythmic pulse began to pump faster and faster. The shrill pleads became louder.

"No! Stop this! Stop it now! Please!"

In fear the rhythmic pulse reached its apex, and then it stopped. Her hand turned to a fist, smashing it to a pulp. The heart exploded into a fountain of red. Within, the voice muttered,

"I hate you."

She looked up to her reflection upon a window. A purple horned beast stared back, its white eyes piercing through time and space.

Reeling it shock, her eyes snapped open as the gentle patter of water fell along her head and shoulders, soaking her in its warm release. She caught herself breathing hard and fast, hyperventilating as she leaned against the shower wall.

How long had she been standing there, absorbed in that dream?

A slender hand reached out for the knob, turning the gushing warm water to a trickle, then a halt. Woefully she slid the shower open, moving with vast lethargy as she reached for the towel.

Mechanically she dried herself off, mind still lingering upon the dream. She reached up to her face to make sure that her face was her own. It felt soft, warm. The image of the beast flashed within her mind's eye. She flinched at its image, and for a moment stared into the dim mist within the bathroom.

A thought flashed into her eye, and she raced to the mirror. It was covered in a veil of mist, and in frenzy she cut through it with her bare hand.

In the reflection was a lithe, pale girl who stood with a studious gaze that meant to pierce the soul. That gaze was manifested in the form of a pair of blood red eyes unendingly staring. A mop of light blue hair hung from her head, hacked into the form of a pageboy's hair, but it had signs of requiring trimming.

"Rei." The girl said as she stared at the reflection. "Ayanami."

She continued to stare, studying every detail upon her pallid face. This was her. She was sure of it.

Or was she?

"Today is… Saturday." Rei muttered as she dressed herself in her daily clothes, dozens of the exact same thing: A white blouse and a blue skirt. "There is no work today."

Mechanically she looked into her fridge to find it rather empty. Her stomach muttered a weak growl. A trip to the grocery was in order, so she threw her coat on and left the apartment.

There was little fanfare on the way there. Nothing different really happened. People went about on their business. She went about with theirs. The same could be said of her trip back as well. Yet, the entire time it felt as if someone had been calling out her name.

That was impossible. She was totally and utterly alone, and she knew it.

Her lonely apartment did nothing to greet her, and she lazily threw the groceries onto a table, her coat next to them. Her hands opened the fridge and was about to begin restocking it with the perishable goods when she heard a knock on the door.

"Is that Maki…?" Rei mused to herself as she quickly stowed the food away.

As soon as she finished she made her way to the door. Something felt different. Something felt odd about this.

She eased the door open. Before her was a young man, perhaps the same age as her. His appearance was horrible however. He appeared to have several open cuts and bruises all over his body, and he stood uneasily upon one of his legs, as if it could hardly support his weight.

But his eyes. They looked so familiar. They threatened to draw her in, and ensnare her forever.

"R-Rei!" The seriously injured man blurted out after a moment of awkward silence.

"Who are you? How do you know my name?" Rei asked, shocked within, but she could not express what she felt. Some kind of wall stood there, between her voice and her heart.

"It's me, Shinji Ikari! Remember?" He asked shocked, this was quite something he was not expecting.

"I do not know you." Rei replied as if almost on instinct, and she dearly regretted it.

Within her mind she ran numerous answers that would have suited the situation far better. "I recognize you, but from where I know not." "I'm sorry, have we met before?" "How do you know my name?"

All these would have probably answered her questions, deeply nagging within. Instead, the man was just stunned.

He collapsed onto her, either from blood loss, shock or a combination of the two, she knew not. He was heavy, yet this was a burden she gladly bore, much to her surprise. He felt warm. She could hear his heart rhythmically pumping. She could feel his breath upon her cheek.

With some difficulty she dragged "Shinji Ikari" to her bed and laid him down. She began taking stock of his injuries. She felt his ribs and leg to feel if anything was broken. None were. In their place were rather large, gaping wounds. None of this would be permanent. He would heal his wounds, in time.

She went to work, cleaning the cuts with a towel and a small basin of water mixed with soap. She could find no bandages in her room, and so she made do by taking her blouses and ripping them apart. They would serve the purpose well enough. For the smaller cuts she used band-aids she had found within her bathroom.

As she worked, a single question echoed through her mind: "Why am I doing this?"

By the time she had finished it was late in the evening and famished. She fixed herself a simple sandwich made of lettuce and tomatoes, but she never once took her eyes off of him.

As she ate she heard a musical melody that was oh so familiar. It was coming from him.

Rei edged her way to the man, looking for where the music was coming from all the while. It came from his right hip pocket. Dipping her slender fingers into the pocket, she motionlessly fished it out.

On the phone in big, bold letters was the word home, with the icon of a small house next to it. She found it somewhat odd that it was in English rather than kanji and answered it.

"Hello." She said in English.

"Who's this? A confused voice replied in English. "Where's Shinji?

"Shinji is asleep on my bed." She emotionlessly replied as she sat next to him. For some strange reason she had a longing desire to stroke his face.

"Who is this?" The voice asked again, this time in Japanese. It appeared to be a young woman. Perhaps his younger sister?

"This is Rei." She replied back hazily in English, not wholly paying attention anymore.

"Rei? From where?"

She thought back to when she had first seen him. He looked familiar, but she couldn't tell from where…

"I saw him yesterday on the train."

"R-really?" There was a long pause, in the background she could hear whispers. "He's in your bedroom right now? Sleeping?"

"That is correct."

"You're both alone?"

"That is correct."

There was another long pause, followed by unintelligible stammering, whispering and yelling.

Another voice reached the phone, this one far more mature sounding. "I'm so sorry for bothering you and Shinji. Tell him to call back when he wakes up, okay?" The phone hung up.

She decided that was perhaps the most peculiar conversation she had ever had.


	4. Chapter 4

"What did you do that for Misato!?" Asuka yelled furiously at the older woman, on the verge of savagely beating her.

"Shinji's spending the night with a girl! We need to give him some space!" Misato yelled back, clutching the phone.

"We don't even know who she is!" Asuka yelled back.

"He probably met her at the club, and they had such a nice time they decided to make a date of it, alright?" Misato reasoned. "She spoke English fluently, so she might even be an American! A foreign girl for Shinji! Isn't that cute?"

"That idiot spending time with some other woman…" Asuka huffed and walked away, climbing the stairs up to her room. "Named Rei no doubt… Just like that doll... Probably why he brought her up all of a sudden last night…"

"Shinji's growing up after all…" Misato mused as she placed the phone back on the receiver. "Unless you wanted him all to yourself…"

Asuka's face madly blushed at her comment, and in spite retorted "Why would I like that idiot anyway! Let him make out with his lovey-dovey doll! I'm going to my room!"

"How…" A gentle hand delicately caressed his face, feeling the details that the eyes left out. "…do you know me?"

He lay upon her simple bed, its trappings plain and unassuming. She sat alongside him, studying his features with sight, touch, and smell.

His face appeared pretty, almost feminine in a way, yet with it a sense of calm, of trust and warmth. He appeared kind.

She watched his chest slowly rise up and down, studying the movement of his body, the length and breath of his physical ability. He was strong, yet his slim shoulders made this strength unassuming, almost unnoticed under the body that held it.

Her hand reached out to his, feeling her away across every digit, to the palm. She could detect the feel of hands that were naturally soft, naturally giving, but upon them hard calluses formed, the blemishes that life made upon him through harshness of existence.

His scent was of something familiar. Something from long ago that was synonymous with a feeling Rei was unfamiliar with. Something she could not put words to.

Somewhere, deep within her heart, within the back of her mind she recognized him from long ago as someone trusted. Someone loved.

"Ikari, who are you?" She mused to herself, whispering to someone other than herself.

Even that name, the way it rolled off her tongue, they way it felt as it passed her lips, it felt familiar. "Do you know me?"

"I want to become one with Ikari." A voice echoed within the eye of her mind.

Pain. Indescribable pain. Pain that pervaded sense of self, sense of mind. Pain of intrusion. Pain of desire.

"Ayanami! Ayanami!" That voice would cry out over and over again within her ears, but she was having difficulty listening.

Her gaze overlooked the world, stretching far into the horizon, standing far taller than the largest building. This body was different from her own, skin harder than steel and flesh made of technology; she was a giant. Just like before.

It was piercing her body, desiring to become one with her. It asked her questions, countless questions in the span of a moment that lasted a lifetime.

"I… I…" Her mouth opened in response, but only a few words escaped. "…must… protect…"

Sacrifices must be made. She would not be missed. She was expendable.

Sunlight poured into the room, lightly illuminating the room with its yellow tinge, finally falling upon those that slept. The floor was littered with the remains of ripped cloth, spent to bandage the youth that lay upon the bed, another lying upon him.

The gentle pitter-patter of a heartbeat, moving steadily and slowly, calmly, never stopping, never tiring. It was a beautiful sound to Rei Ayanami's ears, her mind counting every single beat of the heart. Her eyes slowly opened to the rhythm of its beat, slowly becoming aware of her surrounding.

Her eyes found themselves locked with another pair, this not her own. They were mounted upon a very familiar face, its cheeks flushed red.

Awareness seeped into her mind once more. She had fallen asleep upon Ikari as she asked question after question to the lonely midnight air. Her body rose, greeting Ikari as well as the sunlight that pervaded her eyesight, but she did not flinch.

"Good morning." Rei told the young man that lay before her.

"G-good morning…" Shinji replied meekly, still embarrassed from the position he had found himself.

"Was it uncomfortable?"

"W-what was?"

"When I fell asleep upon you."

"No, it wasn't uncomfortable at all. I'm just a little surprised, that's all…"

"Why?"

"B-because, the last thing I remember was collapsing, a-and then I wake up in a foreign bed with a person that may not be who I thought on me…" He shyly replied as he began to sit up, pangs of pain striking his body from several locations. "Ah, it hurts…"

"Why are you injured?"

"Ah ha…" His meek voice chuckled as he recalled the reason. "I was actually chasing you from the station, but I couldn't keep up. I ended up getting hit by a truck trying to keep pace with you…"

A harsh, awkward silence pervaded the space between them, unsaid questions rippling through the air, the pair awkwardly avoiding the other's glance.

Finally, the silence was shattered by a simultaneous outburst of the same word "Sorry."

Another followed that, its burden heavier than the last.

"If I had simply taken notice of you prior, this would have never happened." Rei muttered her reasons for apology.

"No, no, it's all my fault. Besides, I'm the one that ended up collapsing here…" Shinji immediately rebutted "If anyone should be apologizing here, it should be me…"

Rei prepared to respond with a simple "affirmative", but her burning desire to have her questions answered resulted in her saying something completely to the contrary "How do you know me, Ikari?"

"W-well… I…" Shinji stumbled with his words, trying to find the best way to convey his feelings, his intentions that had been held prisoner for so long; misgiven sins and painful memories pervading his thoughts.

They were interrupted by the same musical score that had interrupted Rei hours ago.

"Ah! Excuse me!" Shinji exclaimed, evading the question as he reached into his pocked to answer his phone, only to find it not there.

"Are you looking for this?" Rei asked as she held the phone up, retrieved from her own breast pocket.

"T-thanks!" He thankfully answered as he took the phone back, answering it immediately.

From it came nothing short of shouting.

"Shinji you idiot! Where the hell were you all last night! Huh? Were you out losing your virginity or something!? I was worried sick about you when you didn't come back! What the fucking hell you shit! You better come back home so I can beat the living hell out of you!" The high pitched shrieking went on as Shinji attempted to answer the avalanche of curses and threats.

"I-I fell asleep at a friend's house! I'm fine, no need to worry about me! Bye!" Shinji yelled back as he proceeded to hang up.

"S-sorry, that was Asuka…" Shinji muttered as he put away his phone, but that mere outburst brought more vague recollections to her mind.

"You… Her…" Rei muttered to Shinji as much as to herself "How are you connected to me? I look at your face, listen to your words and I can't help but feel I remember you, but I can't. How? How do you know me?"

"D-do you remember anything?" Shinji asked, dumbstruck and unsure of what to make of this. "Anything at all?"

"All I have are dreams, vague feelings and recollections." Rei began to recount as she thought back. "They're all so terrible, but I don't remember them at all. I just remember fragments, ideas, emotions…"

A silence followed her recollections, only to be broken by Rei once more "Please. Please tell me who I am."

"You…" Shinji struggled, trying to think up of the right words, the best way to tell her. "You're Rei Ayanami, and you're my friend."

"…Friend…?" Rei muttered in response, taking in the idea with great difficulty. "Was there something special between us? Anything?"

"W-why do you ask?" Shinji asked shocked, taken aback.

"In my dreams, I see your face often. They are often accompanied by feelings of safety, of happiness." Rei continued as faint recollection after recollection filtered through her mind's eye. "In my dreams, you are my protector, my savior. You are the one that makes me feel… Not so alone…"

Tears began to well up in Rei's eyes, but she did not bother to wipe them as they fell down her cheeks. On the contrary, she acted as if they were completely foreign, something she had never encountered before.

She suddenly felt herself swept in Shinji's embrace, holding her gently yet tightly. "You were one of my closest friends. You saved my life countless times, and I miss you." He whispered into her ear, with it the promise of never letting go again.

It felt so different, so awkward, so strange, but it felt good. It felt comforting, safe, secure. A feeling she had never experienced before. It felt like a sudden rush of warm water through her heart and lungs, warming her from the core outwards. She took in his scent, his unique scent that she had craved for all this time without knowing what it was, the feeling of his body against hers.

She would not- could not forget this moment he gave her.

Her first hug.

Deep within, she wished this moment could last forever, but it was interrupted by the same melody that had done so before. She recognized if finally; Beethoven's ninth symphony.

"I-I'm sorry." Shinji muttered as he let go, but she would not; as if to let go would mean loss once more.

He understood her motive and took his phone out while still allowing Rei to remain attached.

"Hello?" Shinji meekly answered the phone, only for the same screeching yelling to return.

"What the hell Shinji! Why did you hang up you little shit?!" The voice demanded.

"I'm sorry, I was busy. I'll be heading home now, so bye." Shinji answered swiftly, disconnecting almost immediately afterwards so that Asuka wouldn't get the chance to begin her torrent of threats and cursing once again.

"Was she my friend as well?" Rei asked as Shinji put his phone away.

"Ah, sort of…" Shinji attempted to put the unstable relationship between the two into acceptable words. "You both disagreed a lot, and sometimes didn't get along, but we were comrades."

Rei was silent as she contemplated. For the past three years she had been isolated, ignorant of people and they of her. It was an existence that neither invited pain nor pleasure, merely existence. Then, suddenly, the hand of friendship is extended to her, and for once she found herself capable of reaching out.

"Rei, I want you to come see Asuka and Misato." Shinji whispered into Rei's ear. "They'll be excited to see you."

"I… I understand…" Rei muttered as she let go. "I… I want to see them as well."

"Good, let's go then." Shinji smiled as he rose, only to be brought back down as pain shot through his leg.

"You sprained your leg." Rei stated emotionlessly, returning to how she once was "You will require my assistance to get anywhere."

He took her offer of help with a smile. "Then could you please help me?"

"I will." Rei replied as she moved to support him, light blush upon her pale features.

The train home was empty, the morning rush having finished long ago. In its stead were two people, a boy and a girl sitting side by side.

Shinji recounted their life as pilots, fighting for the sake of man in great gods of war and battle. He also recounted the peaceful times in between, the time spent together, despite how brief it was.

It all seemed to be something Rei had read out of a book long ago; something impossible save for the field of the human mind, but somewhere, deep within her heart she accepted his explanation as truth.

From this she remembered as clear as the apotheosis that flew alongside the train a memory. A sliver of memory, a single phrase.

"Can I hold your hand?" Rei asked, interrupting Shinji.

A silence fell between the pair, and for a moment Rei thought… Thought that perhaps she should have kept it to herself.

"Sure." Shinji muttered, a blush upon his features.

His hand snaked over to the space between them, hers meeting his in the expanse. Her hand grabbed his, holding it tightly, as if fearful of letting go.

They arrived soon enough at their destination and Shinji Ikari walked along the path he had trodden upon so many times before, but now with another at his side.

The wind swept its way through the neighborhood, its cold gust chilling to the bone, sending leaves away on journeys to places far away. The sun shone dimly, passing clouds obscuring its view of the land.

Rei noticed his nervousness, his excitement. She could feel it radiating off of him in pulsating waves, within the depth of his eyes.

He led her to a pleasant little home, appearing as all the others. Reaching for the doorknob, he twisted it opened the door wide open.

"Shinji you idiot, is that you!?" A voice called out as a gust of wind blew through the doorway.

He could hear the echo of other voices screaming through an artificial medium. The television was on, some kind of violent movie upon the screen from what could be gathered from the sound.

"Yeah." He responded, removing his shoes with Rei's assistance.

"Took you long enough!" Asuka yelled back as they entered the home, approaching Asuka as she lay lazily upon the couch, not bothering to look at Shinji as he entered. "What took so long?"

"Asuka, I found her…" Shinji informed Asuka, his voice wavering.

"What do you mean, 'found her'?" Asuka muttered as she sat up and turned around.

"I found her. I found Rei." Shinji smiled as Asuka realized what he meant.

"Y-you mean…" Asuka stumbled with her words as she looked upon Rei holding Shinji's hand.

Dear Real Life,

Please leave me alone.  
I am trying to get things done, here.

Seriously. Fuck off and leave me alone with my Internets.

Ragetastically yours,  
Francis Agito

Also, please tell me what you think. Whenever I post stuff up here I get the feeling not a lot of people are reading it. In other words, I'm being a review whore. Please review.


End file.
